god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
