At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
