A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
