All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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