the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
