Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Randomize
