We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
