yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Randomize
