I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
