If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
