Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
