She's JV to your varsity
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize