Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She even gives head with a lisp.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
