a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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