i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
