I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
