How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
