Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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