if i can run in heels then i can drive
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
