Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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