What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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