When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
