Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
two words: eviction party
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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