Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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