I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
