Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
