I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
