i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize