Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
