omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
