go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
