i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
