found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
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