You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
