He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
