Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize