is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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