Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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