I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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