make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
did i walk over a car last night?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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