You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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