that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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