Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
