The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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