i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
