He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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