walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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