I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
