look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
