It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
