I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
you made out with another girl for some wings
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
