Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
