i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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