i may or may not be watching the land before time
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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