Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
