they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
