Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
