Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
