thus making me awesome and them whores
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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