I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
