its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
