I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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