All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Fuck appropriateness.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
