I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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