Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you would pick up someone in the library
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
well you can't waste a boner
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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