i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
