If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
