Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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