Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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