when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
