I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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