Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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