Grow some girl-balls and come out already
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
