Who wears a wallet chain?!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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