You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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