Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
