Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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