dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
