You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
