Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize