he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Drunk is a universal language darling
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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