apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
