Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
