some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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