i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
