I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
