i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
