After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
