I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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