I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Michael Bay diarrhea
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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