My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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