If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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