dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
