I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
