So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you would pick up someone in the library
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
