his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
