she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
