So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
