dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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