if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
