come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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