Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
is wine microwaveable?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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