Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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