nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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