arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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