I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
