omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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