i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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