He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
